I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
