yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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