Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
