youre lurking in front of me
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
