you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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