physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
