Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
