Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
