who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
