you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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