the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize