We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
