Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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