I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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