You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
