if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
