Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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