Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
you made out with another girl for some wings
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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