I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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