i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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