Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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