just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
