i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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