remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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