I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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