Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
