so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize