There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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