Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize