ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize