I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
