He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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