I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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