I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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