i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
