We're like a lot better than the average bears
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
