i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
