another moral hangover. fuck.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm like, not good at living.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
