i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
