Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
