I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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