all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
