So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
