If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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