my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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