I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
