Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
