My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
false alarm, still single
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
