where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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