Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
