Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
