Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
