I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
