did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
