I am puke
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
