Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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