I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
