And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Let's get the cat blown out
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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