She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
