The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
