I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
