I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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