Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
