You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
