she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
