The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
