2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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