It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
