capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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