she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
