She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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