...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
