Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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