$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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