the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
