i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
