Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
