A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize