You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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