aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
