how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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