ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
