Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
