Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
