I accidentally burped into my bong.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
