Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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