matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
