3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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