wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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