I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
