If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
