Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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