she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
