we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
