...so i touched it.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
