Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
