just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
