I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
