You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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