Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She told me I should be a condom model.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
