god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just threw up on my dentist
Who did Billy Mays play for?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize